Sickness

I'm sick of life. I'm sick of my friends talking about the same damn things all the damn time. I'm sick of it. I don't want to hear about it. SHUT UP. I want to be the one to do the talking for once. I want to be heard. I'm sick of my mother. I'm just done listening to how she thinks she's going insane. She's making me go insane. I'm sick of my father. I'm done pretending we have a relationship with each other. How can I love someone that I don't know? I know that I do love him, but it's hard to when we never speak to each other. Yes, we spend time with each other, but I feel awkward asking him for anything. I feel awkward talking to him on the phone. I'm sick of my extended family. I'm sick of them being rude to me, and I'm sick of pretending that I don't notice that they're rude. I'm sick of not yelling at them when they make fun of me. I'm sick of waking up every day and not thinking I'm good enough. I'm sick of messing with my hair and applying eyeliner. I'm sick of pulling at my old clothes and not having money to buy new ones. I'm sick of believing that the world moves for love but is run by money, even though that statement took me 14 years to establish and is so true. I'm sick of crying and praying and not knowing what I'm crying or praying to. I'm sick of wishing I lived in a novel or a movie. I'm sick of wishing for the same things. I'm sick of wishing. I'm sick of knowing there is nothing exciting brought to me each day even though I expect it. I'm sick of listening to other people complain about things as dumb as parties, when I have all these other stupid complaints that are more legitimate then that. The thing I think I'm sick most of all about is the fact that I don't think I can do anything about all of this.


Love, Laura