Anger

He yelled at me in the car. Once again, about something I didn't deserve. This time it was about softball, specifically yesterday. "I don't understand. You said the practice was supposed to be over at 5:30. It wasn't over until 6:30." I felt the guilt rising to my head again even though it hadn't been my fault. I had been told about 8 times that the practice was over at 5:30. "And also what's the deal with Dallas this weekend? Isn't there anyone I can talk to about this? Who organizes this? I mean this is really ridiculous. I need to know what you're doing at least 2 weeks ahead of time. At least." I could feel the stress and tension, the tears building up. "And your phone! It's never on. I call and you never answer. And it is just not acceptable that you didn't have it yesterday. What were you thinking." By this time, I was really crying. Yelling at myself on the inside.
We pulled into the parking lot for his dry cleaning service. Before he got out of the car I yelled thought tears for the millionth time "I'M SORRY." And I wanted to add a 'fucking' between those words but I knew that would just get me into more trouble. But I did add this: I'm sorry I'm such a screw up. I'd never said it before but I'd thought it so many times. He was disappointed in me. Mom, too.
When he came back, we drove in silence for a while. And then I did something I've never dreamed of doing. I yelled back at him. "DAD YOU'RE SUCH A HYPOCRITE. WHEN DO YOU TELL MOM YOU HAVE THINGS TO DO ON THE WEEKEND? YOU NEVER TELL HER UNTIL LIKE THE DAY BEFORE. AND WHEN I HAVE TO STAY WITH KATIE? I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU'RE ALWAYS YELLING AT ME. I HATE WHEN YOU YELL. IT'S NOT MY FAULT I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. AND MY PHONE? IF YOU HATE MY USE OF IT SO MUCH, WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE IT AWAY?! I'M SORRY IT'S ALWAYS ON SILENT. OR WHEN I DON'T HEAR IT. I'M PRACTICALLY DEAF." And it was all though a shaking voice and tears. But I felt so much better after I said it.